The onset of the onslaught and thetimeofcraptasticweather !

It begins in August...the onset of the sads.  With the perpetual onslaught of the devil dancing in my empty pockets.  Oy!  I absolutely loathe the fall.  To many it means pumpkin lattes and hot chocolate, crisp mornings, fall hikes, hayrides and apple picking.  That's very pedestrian and quaint of which I am neither.  

To me it means the endless "hands out" for school supplies, school activities, doctors appointments, football games, gas in the car, repairs to the car, school pictures, homecoming dresses just to mention a few. I know I'm not the only person in the new world to experience the overwhelming possibilities of the "fall costs"!  I can't be!  But maybe I am. I also get ZERO immediate pleasure from buying, splitting & stacking wood in August with sweat dripping in places I've never sweated before in my life... Yes EVER in. my. life. (Although I do get pleasure later on when it's in the wood-burner!) In August I should be lounging in my pool for the love of God!  Not preparing for a blizzard!  :(   I get ZERO.  ZZ.EE.RR.OO. Pleasure putting away my patio table and chairs, my porch swings, my pool floats, covering the pool and pulling the annuals.  I feel like I am packing up my life.  

Then there's the "OH YAY! IT'S FALL" People that invite you to do stuff out of doors! (you know the ones... they hide in their air conditioned houses all summer long! UGH ! I don't get really any pleasure from sitting on a hay wagon going 0-2 miles per hour in 40ish degree weather balancing (along the bumpiest of trails) the maybe lukewarm hot chocolate on a "crisp and clear" fall day.  Nor do I relish the fact of picking out pumpkins in the inevitable freezing drizzle in early October.  I abhor corn mazes (this might be because as a child I had to follow my dad on a hunt and the quickest route to where we needed to be was thru an actual corn field.  You want a corn maze?  Go thru a corn field, in the dark as a child as your Dad is six paces ahead of you with the stride of a giant! Gah!)

The chore of lugging in the wood for the wood stove which usually falls to the youngest (she's 14 people for those who don't know me personally -  I'm not asking a 5 year old to do this), but generally just the reminder to get it in the house is a job like no other; in and of itself!  Oh and then there's e n d l e s s hours spent in front of the damn boob tube, or computer (and after being in front of a computer Monday - Friday this is the last place I really want to be!) Oh I might get out to do some yard work but those choices are few.  You either get "raking leaves", or "shoveling snow"  Oh yay! so excited! (Said with all the sarcasm any human could muster!) and I don't believe I've ever heard any North-Easterner say... "I'm going on a nice long stationary bike ride today"... or "I went on the most beautiful treadmill walk ever!" Yea. No. Never.

The short daylight hours just is a "Debbie downer" if there ever was one!  Up before sunrise & off work after dark.  In the office all "daylight hours"  SUCKS! (I used to love this season, as a kid - after all what kid under 18 doesn't?... because who's coming?  Yep!  SANTA...  C.R.A.P. Christmas is coming... commence panic attacks and self-berating for not preparing for this eventual holiday like every other "Martha Stuart wannabe")

This time of year, fall/winter, it takes about 10 times as long to get out the door.  There is none of this grab your purse and go stuff here in the northeast.  Oh nnnnnoooooo!  You've got to check the weather for snow, sleet, ice.  Then it's "warm up the car" cuz I ain't about to sit my hiney on no cold seats!  Then you've got to decide if you should wear regular shoes, work boots, snow boots, or rain boots.  Then the coat?  What the heck kind of coat do ya' wear? the light fall jacket?  The rain coat with the liner or without? The light winter coat with the liner or without?  The Blizzard Gear?  UGH!  It's all just too damn much!  By the time you figure all this out you begin to rethink the reason for leaving the damn house!  Once you get were you are going it's another at least 10 minutes to dress down to your normal clothes, and that's if you're not shopping!  If you're shopping you're basically screwed.  You either dress for inside the store or lug the cold weather gear all around the store!(I usually opt to dress for the store, and yes I know I look like an idiot running into and out of the store because I don't have my -30 degree parka and boots on! - don't hate; at least I won't be sweating in the store!)

If ya' have never experienced the fun of waking up and creaking and popping every single joint in your body... YOU MY FRIEND; HAVE NOT EXPERIENCED THE REAL JOY OF SPRING AND SUMMER...or the art of aging!  My arch-nemesis arthritis will rear it's ugly head again shortly.  I'll begin yoga, but getting all geared up (literally) to go to class to sweat out my aches is not on the top of my "love to do this list"... I'll opt for staying in my house and practicing alone whilst my family is plugged in to their plethora of devices.  

I don't want to sound like I'm a negative ninny in every single blog, cuz I'm not! There are some things that do bring me a great deal of pleasure (get your mind out of the gutter!).  When "thetimeofcraptisticweather" arrives I prefer to spend my time in the kitchen cooking.  I LOVE TO COOK.  I don't mind getting leftover tomatoes, green beans,corn, or apples and freezing them for the winter.  A good pot of homemade tomato sauce or marinara is the bomb! Especially when I can get all the veggies from the farmers that have begun to pull their crops!  FREE is the best!

I like to make all those old world meals that take all day to make.  It keeps me busy, and my family fed with real food!  NOT THAT CRAP IN A BOX!  My homemade hamburger helper is way better than that over-processed stuff they call a convenience meal! (yes you can make hamburger helper without that box!)  I love to feed my family homemade chicken soup, beef stew... Yes noodles, dumplings and all... homemade! or chicken paprikash, even... Homemade macaroni and cheese!  Yep that too!  No box required. We have a saying in our house..."we have food that makes other food"... we generally don't have food in boxes.  We have small cans of this or that, but for the most part we have real honest to goodness food. (this is not to say that I don't have 'shortcuts' in my repertoire for all that's holy! I had three kids and I'm a single-ish mother!) In the summer I spend my time in front of the grill when I'm not in the pool and in the winter I spend it in front of the stove (either the one for cooking or the one for heating)  Seems like a legit hobby. Besides everyone eats! 

I also like to read a good book, however sometimes with all the electronics it's hard in a small house to find a quiet nook to steal a moment with a paperback.  Then there's this little blog which I've mostly done at work when things get slow to keep my mind alert.  Who knows maybe I'll tackle a blog or two at home during  "thetimeofcraptasticweather"... but it most likely will be paper to pen there, as I would have to fight off two teen-agers and The Baboo for the computer, and you don't even wanna see me try to type on my phone! 

The other "hobby" if you will, is watching the old black & white movies, and some silent movies... I do like some of the 50's and 60's movies too.  However I generally watch television only at night, even on the weekends, so  catching me in front of the tube on a Saturday or Sunday afternoon means there is a football game on. a really good movie is playing or I'm completely and utterly ill in which case; I will be sleeping and not watching anything but the inside of my eyelids, and whatever dream my brain decides to play in a drug induced state.

So I suppose in the grand scheme of "thetimeofcraptasticweather" I should be thankful I have things to do to keep what's left of my failing sanity, however this also gives me the immense amount of time to contemplate why the hell I've never moved south or west!  hhhmmmpppfff!  :/