The tapestry of my endeavors

Thinking back over all the things I've been through in my life and wondering how in the heck did I get through it?  There are things my kids remember that I either forgot, blocked or medicated away, I'm not saying that is good, I'm just saying that's how it is.  I'm not proud of that.  However my psyche must have deemed it necessary. 

Since my divorce in 2004...(which is almost like being born again...)
I have it almost paid off!  I'm down under $1500.00 ! (it was exorbitantly expensive over $5000.00 and on a credit card to boot!)

I've found a job, which I'm still at (11 years later!) Six of which has been without a raise. 

I've moved twice (the first time out of the marital home, into a duplex with basically dishes, clothes and beds for the girls. everything else I found, picked, borrowed, or bought) (although my parents helped by buying me a bed and a washer & dryer).

I found my soul mate, my Sweet Baboo-without him I don't know where I would be today, (one day I might tell you how I met The Baboo...) :)  He's taught me many things and put up with so much more than he should!  

I raised three kids (at the time of the divorce they were 13, 8 and 5 now they are 23, 18 and 15)

I have been known to pay for items for the kids by saving coins.  I once paid for entire Washington DC trip for the youngest in quarters I saved ($450.00).  :)

Two have graduated which means two parties.

I've taught two to drive and insured those two on my own. (grey hair and empty wallet!)

I've seen three accidents between the two the first of which could have ended the life of the oldest. (more gray hair and emptier wallet!)

I've had my dog die - she was in the ex's care. (she was old and nearly blind and he didn't tell me until he had done it.  Yes, he's a jerk.)

I've had about 8 teeth pulled due to stress and grinding.  (thankfully, that's ended as the stress from the divorce has passed)

I've lost both of my paternal grandparents (my maternal grandparents I lost much earlier)

I've bought four cars. (all on my own without a co signer) (two of which I still have.  One was totaled and one was traded in)

I've stopped balancing my checkbook (for my own sanity sake... and for that same sake I may have to start again.) and yes, I know that's insanity.

I've buried both parents a year and a half apart. For Feathers I had to sign to take him off life support.  (I highly recommend getting a living will folks - he didn't have one hence the decision fell to me.  That literally was almost the end of me - and I still fight to stay in the here and now).

I've lost a cousin and an uncle.

My son has been engaged, and has broken it off. 

I'm closer with my ex mother in law than her own son is. 

I've worked thru probate for both parents, dispersed the estate and inherited a house that my son is "renting" ... (yes the quote marks are there for a reason... but he's getting better...  kinda.)

I've quit smoking.

I quit drinking coffee and pop on a daily basis.

I began eating better - real food. 

I started Yoga, oil pulling and began taking vitamins.

I've thought about quitting drinking, but my I love my sanity. (no. seriously, I should quit!)

I've thought about starting to smoke again, but I love to breathe.

I have begun to wake up with panic attacks (geez I don't know why.)

I've gone from a cellular 'land' line to a cellular device and no house phone.

I've gone from one flip cell phone in 2004 to 3 smart-cell phones and 1 flip cell phone in 2014. (major cell phone bill - M A J O R !!!)

I've realized that water doesn't really taste that bad, even though I still believe it rusts your pipes.  LOL! 

I've been thru four chimney fires, three of which were after I inherited the house. :(

I've thought that frozen pipes at the homestead were going to be the death of me !

I've made more trips to the cemetery than any 46 year old should.

I've gotten back in touch with friends from high school that have really helped me through tough times. (and they know who they are, and how much I truly appreciate them!)

I've not spoken to ... really 'spoken' to my mothers kids since the day of her funeral, because I flipped out on them. but now, sometimes, we text - kinda and I'm totally okay with that.  I wish it could be different, but we were never close anyway.

I've gotten one tattoo for daisy and I am waiting on the other one for feathers (I've got other stuff to spend my money on right now... ) sad but true.

I have failed, I have messed up, I have said things I shouldn't, I've beaten myself up mentally for all of the above and more.  Why?  It's my personality I guess.  Virgos like orderly and perfection.  I tell myself everyday (sometimes more like 10 times a day)...  "it's okay.  You're Human."  I try to believe it, I do most times. Other times... I'm off into the abyss... 

Looking over this list I have realized that the person I am today is not who I was in 2004 nor in 1986, the year I graduated.  I've also realized that who I am is not who I thought I'd be and it's not who I will be in a month, a year, or in five years.... I think that's what is supposed to happen as we age, we grow right?!  All our views change as life happens.  Life forms you, weaves your soul into a beautiful tapestry of all your endeavors, good and bad, you are a sum of all your parts, experiences, hopes, fears, dreams, experiences, successes, failures, and mistakes.  If that didn't happen we'd constantly be stagnant, never growing.

Most kids probably gain experience in college.  I didn't go.  I skipped directly over into full fledged adulthood!  My entire adult hood has been one giant learning curve.  Maybe that was a good thing...I don't know, but that's how it played out so that's what I have to deal with, ya' know...? 

Feathers and December

It's that time of year again.  The Holidays. <said in sarcastic tone> I used to love the holidays when I was young. Something happened as an adult that changed all that.  I think it started when the stores began to put the Christmas decorations out right after Halloween.  Or, maybe it was because of the business I was in during my early adult hood - newspapers.  We worked on our Christmas campaigns from July until the end of the year so basically that was 6 months of Christmas.  That's enough 'holiday' to choke a horse! Or maybe it's because I don't have little people in the house anymore.  

I really don't know how, but the holidays have lost their sparkle.  Now it's just another pain in my arse.  I've always tried to try to "live Christmas everyday"... so when society demands that I celebrate and be happy, joyful, and shop 'til I drop it tends to stick in my craw.  My family knows that I give everything I have all year long.  If they need it they get it, if they want it I try my best to give it.  If there is a reason to celebrate (even if there isn't), I'll be the cook or the host of a party even if it's just for the people that live in the house (especially in the summer!) 

Feathers 2009/2010

More recently though, (and those of you that know me in real life already know this), I lost my Pops (most unexpectedly) 10 days before Christmas in 2012.  Just One year and 6 months after I lost my Momma. (NOT FAIR NOT FAIR NOT FAIR! <stomping>)  If that doesn't dampen your holiday spirit I don't know what will.  I don't remember anything from last Christmas.  Not. One. Thing.  (Not surprising I suppose given the circumstances).  I do remember saying "I'm sorry" a lot to the kids, to Baboo, to everyone as the Christmas spirit and my Pops had been ripped from me.  It seems as though it's going to be that way again this year however hard I try to fight to "find Christmas".   Just when I seem to find it; a flashback from 2012 comes in my mind and I get to relive the first 15 days of December 2012 all over again.  It's like having PTSD or something.  I'm not trying to make light of PTSD by any stretch, but it's just what I can equate it to for some people to understand.  Sometimes I just need the space to grieve a little, sometimes I can work thru it... Other times it's a complete and utter breakdown.  This isn't a situation that you just "get over" afterall, I've lost both parents in a year and a half (roughly 550 days).  That is effin' traumatic, so if I happen to 'Flip Shit', spontaneously start to tear up or even out and out breakdown and cry... overlook it in an understanding way or give me a shoulder, box of tissue and a beer cuz there ain't nothing you or I can do about my feelings during this time of year - (Especially this year, the first anniversary of Feathers' death). Hell, I don't know... this maybe a thing I've got to go thru for a few years.  I don't really know ...

I've said this before and I'll say it again.  It's way easier for me to say that "I hate Christmas" or "I hate the Holidays" than to admit I miss my Momma and my Pops.  Plain and simple.  People of all walks can identify with the "hate" of the holiday hustle and bustle.  It a 'safe' comment that won't get the "awe I'm sorry face" or the comment of "chin up buttercup" (which I absolutely "A B H O R" by the way)...Not that I don't appreciate the caring nature of folks, it's just that sometimes I just don't want to face the facts (I'd rather be an ostrich)  at that particular moment, since I've faced (or tried to face) them every single day since December 15th of 2012.  I can hide there unassuming and feel almost normal by saying that.  Otherwise, I feel that everyone can darn near see that I am an adult orphan often paralyzed by the loss of my parents. I suppose that is normal in the first year after a death of a parent I don't know, and I'd really rather have both of my parents than to find out how to deal with this shit.  This sucks.  

If you read my previous post about Daisy, you'll know we were well aware of the cancers toll that ultimately took her from us a little at a time.  Somedays I think this was better as we got to say our goodbyes and prepare for her to go, to the point of praying for her relief in her death.  (Cancer is an ugly ugly bitch, that unfortunately sometimes make you pray for the end).  Feathers (Pops) on the other hand was taken so soon, and incredibly quick; it was and still is very hard to comprehend. It's like a freakin' sucker punch to the gut that has you doubled over, on your knees, writhing in pain, struggling to catch your breath. Pops' death was exacerbated by the fact he did not have a DNR or a living will. I along with his two sons from his first marriage had to make that decision based upon what we knew Pops would want.  It wasn't easy.  We knew and know now it was the right decision, however ... yea... Signing those papers took part of my soul; and losing my Pops damn near sent me into the dark abyss I had/have to fight tooth and nail every day to stay in the real world. (So do yourself and your family a favor and get your shit in together now!  You do not want to put them thru that experience!)

I know life is terminal. (chew on that!)  Sometimes I think my sadness in losing them both in such a short period of time is selfishness, and maybe that selfishness comes from being an "only" child in a family of his, hers and "ours"... Afterall "they" had them longer than I did. (yep, that certainly rings of selfish to me!) Other times I just think "DAMN! that is a lot to deal with in such a short time"! Not that either of those two thoughts make dealing with the situation any damn easier.  I'm just grasping at straws trying to wrap my brain around how to fully function without two of my best friends and cornerstones of the family. 

I know Feathers and Daisy are always with me in spirit, but you can't hug a spirit!

 And that is the part that sucks the most! 

Daisy about 1950 and Feathers 1957 Graduation Photo
Daisy 10/7/1936 - 7/31/2011
Feathers 4/2/1939 - 12/15/2012

The "Skinny" Report

Everywhichway you turn you get "the skinny" report, "the fit" report, "the new and improved body" report.  STOP IT.  JUST FREAKING STOP IT!  I'm sick and tired of Victoria Secret Models, A & F Models, in fact, I think the whole modeling/clothing industry should just implode.  Between the "models", the "designers", the "agencies"  and "the media" reporting it.... you all should just eff off!

I don't care if so and so singer gained 30 pounds during a divorce or "made a miraculous comeback" after losing said 30 pounds. I really don't.  (and she didn't make a "comeback" she was here and singing beautifully the whole time!)  This is why I do not idolize these folks, nor do I want my daughters too.  I don't want to see another interview with a model, a styler, a singer, an actor, not one interview, verbiage, nothing about weight.  PERIOD!  

I want my girls to look up to the mom that put her self thru nursing school when they were toddlers and now works in a nursing home, and cares for folks at the end of life.  I want them to have role models in their own peer groups like the quiet kid that spent his summer donating his time to help disabled children or build houses with habitat for humanity.  And what about all those college kids, scraping by doing odd jobs to afford to get the education they want... those are role models.  I want them to know that they are more than their "body".  They are so much more than what they look like.  As a matter of fact; as long as they are healthy and happy I really don't care if either of them is a size 2!...

Speaking of sizes, since the industry will never implode much to my chagrin; could ya'll please work on standardizing sizes?  I mean really?  How can anyone anywhere get clothes and even remotely feel good about themselves if in a pair of jeans it's a 6 and in another pair of jeans by another manufacturer it's a 10?  COMETHEHELLONHEREPEOPLE?!!!  The industry as a whole part of the damn problem!  the other part is the media reporting it, and the other part is the parents falling into the trap! and we all do ! and I'll tell ya' why...

In my teens, and early twenties generally for the most part i was fit, and boy like.    Then I got married and had kids, got divorced, started a new life and then one day I wake up and realized I'm 45 with 3 kids and curves that I never had before.  Gone is the boy body I had since I was  like 10 ... in school I remember the saying... "kansas is flat and so are you"...now ?  not so much.  I've got some boobs (hey filling out a bra is a milestone okay?!)... and curves like ya' know hips and shit.  What the hell is that?  I used to share my 14 year old daughters jeans.  and now... POOF!  I can't.  WTF!?  That'll mess with your head.  So will trying to find a damn dress. Two dresses almost identical two different brand names.  Ones a 2 and the other is a 6?  Come on!  Some mediums fit, some don't.

Right about that time I need a new outfit, I fall into the mindset of "I should still be able to fit into a teenagers clothes" or " I should really start busting my ass to lose weight"... Then I slap myself silly cuz damnit ... I'm fine just the way I am.  I'm healthier now than I was 20 pounds ago since I stopped smoking, I mean I don't have any major medical issues so I'm im pretty fine shape.  Then I think I'm 45 For Fucks Sake!  I'm NOT supposed to look like I'm 14 or 16 or 20! I gave birth to a human being three friggin' times!  I've watch both of my parents suffer and pass on, and I made it thru a divorce to boot!  What the hell !  I've got super freakin' powers that no teenager has! I can make hamburger 20 different ways, pay the bills on a limited budget, keep track of everyone elses shit even my own, when they can't!  ROAR!  I don't need to listen to the media or look at the models and wish I had a stick thin body with my ribs hanging out.  If I want cake...I will eat the damn cake! 

courtesy of TodaysWomanFacebook Page  3/16/2013

   Sweden store uses real sized mannequins.  Instead of 00 these are size 12 and 16 

The onset of the onslaught and thetimeofcraptasticweather !

It begins in August...the onset of the sads.  With the perpetual onslaught of the devil dancing in my empty pockets.  Oy!  I absolutely loathe the fall.  To many it means pumpkin lattes and hot chocolate, crisp mornings, fall hikes, hayrides and apple picking.  That's very pedestrian and quaint of which I am neither.  

To me it means the endless "hands out" for school supplies, school activities, doctors appointments, football games, gas in the car, repairs to the car, school pictures, homecoming dresses just to mention a few. I know I'm not the only person in the new world to experience the overwhelming possibilities of the "fall costs"!  I can't be!  But maybe I am. I also get ZERO immediate pleasure from buying, splitting & stacking wood in August with sweat dripping in places I've never sweated before in my life... Yes EVER in. my. life. (Although I do get pleasure later on when it's in the wood-burner!) In August I should be lounging in my pool for the love of God!  Not preparing for a blizzard!  :(   I get ZERO.  ZZ.EE.RR.OO. Pleasure putting away my patio table and chairs, my porch swings, my pool floats, covering the pool and pulling the annuals.  I feel like I am packing up my life.  

Then there's the "OH YAY! IT'S FALL" People that invite you to do stuff out of doors! (you know the ones... they hide in their air conditioned houses all summer long! UGH ! I don't get really any pleasure from sitting on a hay wagon going 0-2 miles per hour in 40ish degree weather balancing (along the bumpiest of trails) the maybe lukewarm hot chocolate on a "crisp and clear" fall day.  Nor do I relish the fact of picking out pumpkins in the inevitable freezing drizzle in early October.  I abhor corn mazes (this might be because as a child I had to follow my dad on a hunt and the quickest route to where we needed to be was thru an actual corn field.  You want a corn maze?  Go thru a corn field, in the dark as a child as your Dad is six paces ahead of you with the stride of a giant! Gah!)

The chore of lugging in the wood for the wood stove which usually falls to the youngest (she's 14 people for those who don't know me personally -  I'm not asking a 5 year old to do this), but generally just the reminder to get it in the house is a job like no other; in and of itself!  Oh and then there's e n d l e s s hours spent in front of the damn boob tube, or computer (and after being in front of a computer Monday - Friday this is the last place I really want to be!) Oh I might get out to do some yard work but those choices are few.  You either get "raking leaves", or "shoveling snow"  Oh yay! so excited! (Said with all the sarcasm any human could muster!) and I don't believe I've ever heard any North-Easterner say... "I'm going on a nice long stationary bike ride today"... or "I went on the most beautiful treadmill walk ever!" Yea. No. Never.

The short daylight hours just is a "Debbie downer" if there ever was one!  Up before sunrise & off work after dark.  In the office all "daylight hours"  SUCKS! (I used to love this season, as a kid - after all what kid under 18 doesn't?... because who's coming?  Yep!  SANTA...  C.R.A.P. Christmas is coming... commence panic attacks and self-berating for not preparing for this eventual holiday like every other "Martha Stuart wannabe")

This time of year, fall/winter, it takes about 10 times as long to get out the door.  There is none of this grab your purse and go stuff here in the northeast.  Oh nnnnnoooooo!  You've got to check the weather for snow, sleet, ice.  Then it's "warm up the car" cuz I ain't about to sit my hiney on no cold seats!  Then you've got to decide if you should wear regular shoes, work boots, snow boots, or rain boots.  Then the coat?  What the heck kind of coat do ya' wear? the light fall jacket?  The rain coat with the liner or without? The light winter coat with the liner or without?  The Blizzard Gear?  UGH!  It's all just too damn much!  By the time you figure all this out you begin to rethink the reason for leaving the damn house!  Once you get were you are going it's another at least 10 minutes to dress down to your normal clothes, and that's if you're not shopping!  If you're shopping you're basically screwed.  You either dress for inside the store or lug the cold weather gear all around the store!(I usually opt to dress for the store, and yes I know I look like an idiot running into and out of the store because I don't have my -30 degree parka and boots on! - don't hate; at least I won't be sweating in the store!)

If ya' have never experienced the fun of waking up and creaking and popping every single joint in your body... YOU MY FRIEND; HAVE NOT EXPERIENCED THE REAL JOY OF SPRING AND SUMMER...or the art of aging!  My arch-nemesis arthritis will rear it's ugly head again shortly.  I'll begin yoga, but getting all geared up (literally) to go to class to sweat out my aches is not on the top of my "love to do this list"... I'll opt for staying in my house and practicing alone whilst my family is plugged in to their plethora of devices.  

I don't want to sound like I'm a negative ninny in every single blog, cuz I'm not! There are some things that do bring me a great deal of pleasure (get your mind out of the gutter!).  When "thetimeofcraptisticweather" arrives I prefer to spend my time in the kitchen cooking.  I LOVE TO COOK.  I don't mind getting leftover tomatoes, green beans,corn, or apples and freezing them for the winter.  A good pot of homemade tomato sauce or marinara is the bomb! Especially when I can get all the veggies from the farmers that have begun to pull their crops!  FREE is the best!

I like to make all those old world meals that take all day to make.  It keeps me busy, and my family fed with real food!  NOT THAT CRAP IN A BOX!  My homemade hamburger helper is way better than that over-processed stuff they call a convenience meal! (yes you can make hamburger helper without that box!)  I love to feed my family homemade chicken soup, beef stew... Yes noodles, dumplings and all... homemade! or chicken paprikash, even... Homemade macaroni and cheese!  Yep that too!  No box required. We have a saying in our house..."we have food that makes other food"... we generally don't have food in boxes.  We have small cans of this or that, but for the most part we have real honest to goodness food. (this is not to say that I don't have 'shortcuts' in my repertoire for all that's holy! I had three kids and I'm a single-ish mother!) In the summer I spend my time in front of the grill when I'm not in the pool and in the winter I spend it in front of the stove (either the one for cooking or the one for heating)  Seems like a legit hobby. Besides everyone eats! 

I also like to read a good book, however sometimes with all the electronics it's hard in a small house to find a quiet nook to steal a moment with a paperback.  Then there's this little blog which I've mostly done at work when things get slow to keep my mind alert.  Who knows maybe I'll tackle a blog or two at home during  "thetimeofcraptasticweather"... but it most likely will be paper to pen there, as I would have to fight off two teen-agers and The Baboo for the computer, and you don't even wanna see me try to type on my phone! 

The other "hobby" if you will, is watching the old black & white movies, and some silent movies... I do like some of the 50's and 60's movies too.  However I generally watch television only at night, even on the weekends, so  catching me in front of the tube on a Saturday or Sunday afternoon means there is a football game on. a really good movie is playing or I'm completely and utterly ill in which case; I will be sleeping and not watching anything but the inside of my eyelids, and whatever dream my brain decides to play in a drug induced state.

So I suppose in the grand scheme of "thetimeofcraptasticweather" I should be thankful I have things to do to keep what's left of my failing sanity, however this also gives me the immense amount of time to contemplate why the hell I've never moved south or west!  hhhmmmpppfff!  :/




  

You can go home again...but, you might not like what you see.

There is something to be said for going home.  I am fortunate to still live in the same town I was born in. Not something that everyone can say.  I always have lived here and probably always will.  However, a lot of folks don't have the ability to go back to their hometown, for whatever reason.  I think it's cathartic if you do.  You've got to see that things change, people just like yourself move on, grow and evolve - just like the town. It's hard for me to see that since I live in my hometown.  It's like not realizing how big your baby has gotten until you don't see him for a weekend, or you look back at last years school picture... (We've all experienced that as a parent!) That moment you realize you want to grab on tight, in hopes they will always be exactly as they are in that moment! (Right?! it's not just me is it?)  

www.futurenostalgia.org



I have had the chance to visit my Baboo's hometown a few times.  I've met his childhood friends and their families.  It is quite different from my hometown.  It's nestled in a valley in Pennsylvania.  In Baboos mind it should never change! It's been 30 years since he left on a greyhound bus with nothing but a duffle bag and the hopes of a job in Ohio.  He hadn't been back in about 10 years when he took me the first time.  But the steel mills there were shuttered long before that, just after he left.  They are quite literally the heart of that town... or they were.

That first trip was enlightening for both of us.  I got to see where he grew up and put faces to the names & stories, and he got to share more stories and memories with me.  It brought us a lot closer.  More than I would have imagined.  It was a topic we had never had the ability to discuss on the same plane; to me his "hometown" stories were just stories, and the places were just nondescript places with nondescript faces. That first trip was a window into a part of his world I hadn't been before.  After all, we live in my hometown. He's met some of my friends, seen my school, my childhood home, etc... 

Once there I got the feeling that this town, no matter how big it got, no matter how many people moved in or out, the core of the town remained the same.  Its a working class blue collar town with a bar & a church at just about every other intersection and the people are as colorful as the leaves in the fall. They talk football (obviously it's Steeler Country) baseball, and hockey, attend the Friday night high school sporting events and support one another as best they can.  Somehow, I get the feeling I have another hometown, where I'd be welcome anytime.  This is probably why I've adopted this town into my heart, and care about what happens there. 

This trip was difficult.  They had begun razing what was the anchor of the town.

Old photo of the bridge & mill

current birds eye view of the razing, in the top of the photo you can see
part of the mill is left, the bottom is reminiscent of a bombsite...It's
quite sad.

(the above picture is just outside of town at Hinkston Run)

 That was hard to see.  I tried to put a positive spin on it for him.  And told him it was progress. It was hard for him to see the city he called home for so many years in such a disheveled and dilapidated state.  Between the steel mills coming down, and houses literally falling apart from lack of care it really broke his heart. The downtown area is a shell of it's former self with shuttered storefronts and businesses.

It really is almost impossible in some parts of the town to see what was at one time hustling & bustling areas. Some parts are just literal ghost towns, others are on the verge of demise trying to fight to stay relevant.  It truly is sad to see. I can't image what how I would feel if that was my beloved hometown.  I'd be depressed. Unfortunately these people are.  Maybe not entirely in spirit, but to some extent you can't be around all that and not have it affect you on some level.  I know we were there for 2-1/2 days and we were both affected by the surroundings of the city.  The outskirts, the mountains, the natural beauty is still there, mind you.  Maybe that's what anchors these valley folks to such a place? I don't know.   

If any city can make a comeback, this one can.  It did after the floods.  With the help of the people.  ALL of the people!

Johnstown, Pennsylvania, the site of a flood in 1889 that killed over 2,000 people,
was again hit by deadly floods in 1977.
 (Photo by Chuck Manula, The Tribune-Democrat Johnstown, Pennsylvania)
side note:  Baboo was in the flood of 77... he got out of his house on the second floor and into a rowboat.

Although those were different generations that rebuilt the city.  I'm uncertain if today's community has the wherewithal to recover, rebuild, and begin anew. However this last visit is giving some signs of hope.  A new park, a new building here, new businesses (albeit small businesses), the old shells of the mill coming down, they are all great starts.  But the city itself needs more than buildings, and finances.  The people themselves need to start caring again, collectively, about the town.  It's as though once the mills closed, the town slowly stopped caring, stopped doing, stopped thriving.  If they can successfully remove the blight (structural and otherwise if you get my drift), then maybe the attitudes will change again.  When the attitude of a community changes, so do the surroundings and the town can be returned to it's old glory in a new way and thrive again. I know it won't happen overnight, but like I told Baboo on this last trip, at least they are finally doing something!  

                
I so want to hope for more!  I'd love to see the downtown full of traffic, pedestrians, store fronts and businesses, instead of vagrants, the homeless, the drug dealers, sitting in the park just waiting.  I hope to one day see the various neighborhoods with freshly painted homes, mowed lawns, flowers; instead of skeletons of houses with windows knocked out, porches falling down, and weeds so high you could mistake it for an old growth forest!  I can hope for that.  I will hope for that!  I must hope for that, even if I don't live in that town. Because this town is representative and echoing what is happening in towns all across the country.  It must change, and it must start somewhere, and change starts with hope!  

This is NEWS?

Too much of the days news (ABC/NBC/CNN etc... ) seems to be less news more "tabloid".   

I want news; plain old news. Important happenings, that are truly pertinent to my well being. 

You know what I am talking about!  What's happening in the weather cuz goodness know on the East Coast, weather changes at the drop of a hat! I need to know the governmental happenings at my local and state level and how they are trying to screw me so I can try to research how to not let that happen and whom I have to oust in the next election! I want to know about new developments in the cure of diseases, like that bitch Cancer, or the S.O.B. Alzheimer's, or the curse of any of the other godforsaken diseases out there.  I need to know if there is a crime issue in my area that I need to protect my children from.  
I DO Not NEED ANY the following:

 * Update on any "unreality/reality TV Star" Especially:  The Kardashians, the bachelor/ettes, etc. ... If I wanted that information I'd watch the shows. (which I don't so I really could care less.)

* Anything private on individuals and or politicians.  It really isn't our business! And in some instances borders on shaming and bullying.  We already have enough on most politicians to fire them on the spot. And, as far as private individuals being put on the news for mistakes?  I mean really?  Unless it's kidnapping, murder etc... do we really need to know that someone screwed up and called 911 over 5 beers his ex wife wouldn't give him? I don't think so.  I could have made it through the day without knowing that! and I'm sure he could have lived without the public damnation.

*Any of the "new 'study' shows..."  This one is absolute bullshit to cover space.  Studies are basically lies anyways.  Look it up.

* News posts on the weird... "Strangest hotel jobs", "diver spends five days underwater", "the princess filed the babies birth certificate and used the term "princess" to identify herself" (well duh !). "Guy eats 175 wings in 15 minutes" (yuk).

* New diet trends.  Please people, a "tongue patch"? The pain of it makes you less likely to eat? Wow.  Just eat less and move more.  If that isn't working consult your doctor. Simple.

* "Signs you may have..." One was... "Adult ADHD"?  Seriously?  PUHLEEZ ! (sorry I have never believed this one.  It's called "your parents should have paddled your ass more as a child.")

* Breaking news of infidelity in Hollywood. (seriously?)  The breaking news would be the couples that do stay together.  

* How much A-Rod (or any sports player) will lose if he's banned from baseball/football/cycling, etc...)  News Flash:  Baseball is NOT a job.  It's a sport. NOTE TO TROUBLED PLAYERS:  Lose the drugs, quit "your sport", and get a real damn job. 

* Ways to be Gluten Free, Vegan, Vegetarian... come on!  If you want to be any of those things you probably already are in the inner circle of the folks that practice these and I'm sure any doctor could assist you.  Besides no one should get this kind of advice from the 'net'. 

I'm not joking when I say these are from reputable "news" sites - Not from the Facebook news feed.  

Comment Cacti

Have you ever read a news story, got to the end and read the comments section?  I did. 

Good Lord Almighty is the world blessed with idiots or what?  From ramblings that border along the line of a teacher grading a senior thesis to just plain old jerks with snappy comebacks and backstabbing.  Or the occasional prophet spouting the "hell-fire and brimstone" routine, they are all out there.  You know you've seen them too and just think ... "Dude:  You are one giant cactus!" (aka... Cactus, bigger than a prick)

Seriously is this what we've as a society have become?  I try to refrain from reading the comments but it's kinda like that car wreck you know you shouldn't slow down to look at but you do.  Sometimes I just gotta know what kind of people a particular story is bringing in.  Most days I hit the jackpot of idiots!  But today I think I found "THE King of Kings of Cacti.  "I really shouldn't have bothered to look.  I think from now on, I will refrain.  Seriously.  

I ran across this Cactus when I was reading a news story about the Michelle Knight, Gina DeJesus, and Amanda Berry.  For those of you that don't know just google any of their names the story will pop up.

This Cactus stated:

"I hope Castro got conjugal visits in his plea bargain. None of them are particularly good looking, that may have been last call. You just can't condone how he treated them though."

Really out of everything you could have said about these three women that have withstood countless hours of abuse, rape, beatings and God know what else; you have to comment on their looks?  and Castro's conjugal visits.??  Then follow it up with a piddly olive branch of " you just can't condone..."  BULLSHIT!  

You sir, are a P.O.S.  I wonder how you would handle 10 or more years of captivity with little food, chained up, no water, no light, no bathroom, and being raped repeatedly and beaten.  You lilly livered sap suckin son of a saguaro; ought to be banned from the world for the lack of common sense you damn jerk.  Go spew your vermin views to your hard up buddies at the local bar, if you can waddle out of your mother's basement. 

Since this story broke I have not run across one comment that I would consider to be "trollish"  not even "cactus status."  These ladies are a true testament to the human spirit, and what relying on one's inner strength can do.  They faced down and lived with the devil if you ask me, and, the best part?  THEY CAME OUT ALIVE!!!  A miracle we've all prayed for. I wish them all the happiness God can bestow upon them!  They deserve it!